Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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