Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
