Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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