I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
