He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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