Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
