I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need water and some morals
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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