I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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