Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
