So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
