Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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