I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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