she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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