i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
