do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
