Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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