I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
