So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
