So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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