How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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