3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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