I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
