It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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