I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
