Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
