WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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