I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
