It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When are your genitals available?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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