You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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