Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
