She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
