my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
