I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
