Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
