Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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