In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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