note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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