can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
