Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
