Someone shit on the floor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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