Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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