Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
