You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
