i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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