is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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