Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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