you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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