Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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