hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
