dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
