Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
