Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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