I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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