All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
