dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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