Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
