when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
