and my herpes radar will keep us safe
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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