Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
