my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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