hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
