the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
