is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
