I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
