I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
