I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
