The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
