That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
