I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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