I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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