I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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