But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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