The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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