Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
