The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
