Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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