it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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