Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
