my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
