mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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