I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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