My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
