20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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