I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
