Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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